we need a chair/unblinking gaze

Yesterday afternoon Jessica and I wandered into the common room and set down to work. Using our quick and dirty cut of the recording the rehearsal was focused around two majors things: 1) the eyes and spheres 2) the rocking. I'll talk about the first because the second is mostly that of complaining. Beckett's stage directions are specific enough to include the details about how the eyes should open and close and when. "Now closed, now open. Unblinking gaze. The eyes begin to close more and more throughout the sections and half way in section four the eyes close completely. " I asked Jessica to pick a point of reference to hang out in an uber concentrated first sphere. If it felt too removed, to inwards and incapable of being open and available to others than we would try changing the hyper aware concentration into a larger sphere-place. Here's what happened. Well, first, Jessica laughed at herself in the recording. Hearing your own voice is unsettling, disconcerting and rough. We have talked about this in our very early rehearsals almost two weeks ago. The idea of seeing your own self for the first time, like the woman does, is perhaps vaguely similar. It's like catching a glimpse of yourself in mid-conversation with someone in a mirror reflection and how odd that it. You don't feel like you but rather the character of yourself...or maybe the character thing is just me. Anyways, off this tangent, Jessica dealt beauitfully with adjusting to hearing herself in our purring/scratchy/janky (like that, J?) recording and proceeding to dig deep into her sphere work. We got some really great things out of the run. Jessica's ability to concentrate in first sphere was what we needed to hone into the work.

What's amazing to me (and we both talked about for a long time) is that although we're in this completely inward- first sphere of concentration, I felt as an audience member and Jessica said as a performer completely in sync, aware and deep into the rhtyhm of the piece. I was drawn INTO the eyes. I was drawn INTO the hyper aware bubble that we classify as only for ourselves. I know in acting classes I'm told while doing certain exercises to OPEN up my sphere larger and larger and reach third sphere because we have to 'share' ourselves with the audience. Being is first sphere up on stage is no go (all the time...) BUT here, it was perfect. That complete inwardness was vulnerable and exposing. We see the woman completely striped down, bare and naked. She's ready to die by the end and although this is an individual process (as Hiediegger reminds us) she has exposed herself completely with us by being in with herself.

Things that we needed to work on: the intention of the eyes. Sometimes, and this is having a lot to do with the whole UNBLINKING thing, Jessica's eye 'shuts' (I'll call them eye shuts...weird.) Felt unfocused or unmotivated. I'm not sure if necessary want them to motivated, however, I need to see the woman be confident in the places she shuts her eyes and opens them. Sometimes when we open them, we find ourselves deeper into the pool of Jessica's eyes. We see behind the eyes, we see the mind clicking and working and it's a beautiful thing. We need to be careful, again, that when we see the woman's fear, remembrances, images that it doesn't read too much...back to this whole shading v. coloring thing. We got to a really nice place yesterday where we could see the tiniest of shifts in Jessica's face/eyes at certain points in the piece (the mother and off her head.) Jessica asked if this was too much? I don't think so. Things need to lift. The variation and movement and purity behind the eyes is SO SMALL that maybe because we know each other so well I'm the only one who can see what you're doing. It's something to keep working with. I told Jessica that we should try next time to do it completely without any shading at all. To be hyper aware in one sphere with in one reference place-just to see if stripping it down even more brings out or lifts the wrods by themselves.

2.) The rocking. We just need a better chair. I found some rope and made a dinky little pulling device but Jessica's legs are far to long to rock in this meak little chair. She found a rhythm by herself using her feet but for me the real rhythm, motion and heat of this piece comes from the mechincal rocking of the chair while the woman sits back passively (awaiting death.) The pieces revolves around the up and down of the boat in the waves. We need a better chair. Any suggestions, Mark? We're thinking of scavenging around Wyndham and other "nice" places on campus... Or we could go to a cheap vintage store to find an old chair. Or we were thinking we could just cut off Jessica's legs. What do you think? At my house we have a chair that would work wonderfully, if that's where we go Jess we'll use that. We also need a slave to help us while I watch Jessica instead of pulling the rope behind her. Eventually, wherever and if ever we do this, I would want to be the one controlling the rocking.

Today we're chair hunting and re-cording on a quieter computer. Also, another personal side note: South Marshall street in south SOUTH philly is a) scary b) unsafe c) no where near a coffee shop d) NOT cute e) devoid of a new york times within a 5 miles radius. Not the place for Jessica Rizzo. We'll never go back there again.

The adventures continue...
K