Asymptotes

Great rehearsal today (Saturday night 4/24.) After a large black coffee and a skim cappuccino we set to work. Today was Jessica's day to read for the voice and I took a more direction giving role. Before we dug into the text itself we decided that what would be most fruitful would be the track each section or period of the piece. What happens in each section, why and what sphere are we in? Jessica had found a great quote (insert here... comment box) about the trajectory of spaces the woman goes in each period. We're taking this in terms of spheres. Not a complete 100% Stanislavsky concentration sphere or a Mark Cosmic sphere but a mixture of both in a woman who is in a deep, dark, solemn, void-like room/head space. Here's a little about what we concluded: the first section-more movement (all eyes, all sides), larger sphere (dare we say third? or a larger second) trying to remember the time when she opened herself up to the world, remembering the time when she was out in the world trying to connect with people trying to satiate the famished eyes. Living in her past experiences and trying to sort through that-kind of sphere. Second period: we move to the window. Our sphere is gradually shrinking to a fixed point/place. Still trying to remember the attempt to connect to others and actually doing it in the PRESENT. Third period: closing the blind in order to encounter her own living soul--at first she's encountering the other living creatures as another but here, in this sphere, there is a realization that it is herself, she is the only other she can connect with. In this sphere bringing the image of her living self and her consciousness together. The fourth period: we're now into her head. Going deep down into her cave, into the depths of her mind, down the deep stairs. The big thing to remember is that we're going DOWN. Throughout the period we're gradually reaching zero, gradually getting closer to death and therefore digging deeper and deeper into a first sphere of concentration. The astute quote of the unnamed Beckett critic (insert here...) said that this gradual declination of our notion of sphere was like an asymptote. Gradually coming down the zero, getting more into her head, first sphere.

We also talked through a few other heat things that lifted for us in the reading in last rehearsal. We spent a long time talking about the role of the Mother, why she recalls the death experience in this particular moment at this particular time. We made a decision that YES, the mother really did die in that exact rocking chair. It's not just a metaphor but we're going to go with it as fact, as a memory from her past. To rock off in this same chair is appropriate, it's cyclical. The same death as her mother although they lead (we're assuming) very different lives in different generations. It kind of invalidates any difference between them because they are both coming to the same end, in the same place. Death in general is a measure of equality. This iconic memory of death is scorched into her head (how could it not be?)

Famished eyes. This pops and lifts every time we read. The famished eyes are constantly all sides, assumming the same for all living creatures behind his or hers own window. Therefore, for eyes to be satiated and "feed" they must connect with other open and inviting eyes. They always have to remain open. We then starting thinking-if our eyes are open our entire lives we're constantly searching/striving/hungering for that human connectivity. The woman's way to fix this problem is to close her eyes--to rock off. This doesn't fulfill the desires of the famished eyes, it doesn't satisfied them but it's how she deals with it. "No, I'm done with that." They aren't feed but this is how i'll be done with it. We also concluded that she's done adding "stuff" or experiences to her whole self and therefore can only NOW discover and judge/take stock of her entire living soul (as seen through the reflection in the window.) And realize that this is it. Now, here's the most triumphant thing about this and the most dark and depressing thing: realizing that it's only herself that she can find she realizes that she doesn't need this human connection. She's done with it--that's the real Truth. We spend our lives trying to satisfy this craving for human connection when really, Mr. Beckett says, it's impossible. Therefore, we can't see the woman's failure to connect as inadequacy but ah ha has the truth. Everyone suffers this way--none of us can connect.

We read through twice. First read through I worked with Jessica on paying close attention to the mentioned journey of the spheres as well as the images we'd conjured up before--NYC apartment complex, the stairs, etc. We got a lot of good things out of the first run-words lifting that we were unaware of (i.e. GONE BACK IN, FACE, DEAD) and felt/tasted the rhythm of the words. A few things I/Jessica thought we should attempt the next time through: understanding that the concentration sphere needn't be so heady that we cannot hear what's going on. We also talking for a long time about SHADING vs. COLORING. With the world in which we're knee deep in is HYPERaware and super tiny the words or images that she tried lifting up or coloring became a little too colorful. We're in shades of grey here--and the tiniest and smallest adjustment can be seen as glaring or neon just because of the context of the super small place we're in. For example, colored the DEAD lines with the mother came off as a little sinister and scary. So the direction I gave Jessica revolved around keeping within the confines of the no color world. That the tiniest shading will speak loudly. [We also decided we want to get a quick and dirty recorded version asap so that we can start working on physicality and concentration OUT instead of down at the paper. Also, a direction trick I want to try is using a fixed point as a concentration sphere tool. This way Jessica can try gradually changing sphere inwardly.] The second rethrough was great. Jessica made some great adjustments. We did get caught up in going low too quick which lead to the discussion of volume and sphere. Then came our eureka moment. If this is all starting at a very deep, dark, head space of her inner life and monologue and THIS is in her head THEN it should be totally clear. Volume shouldn't decrease or be affected by changing to a smaller sphere because here we are already! The recorded voice is in her head and in her head everything is clear.

I have more notes that we can talk about in our next rehearsal. We're trying to figure out HOW to keep rehearsing this. It seems almost impossible to cut it into chunks and work it in small ways without running the full thing over and over again. Mark, do you have any suggestions about how to rehearse it? Would it be silly to break it up into smaller section and work on each one?

Lots of good stuff, lots of progress, lots to do. Can we find a better rocking chair? When we rehearse again we'll continue to engage in this dancing of sphere work, understanding of the notion of human connectivity, life only leading up to death (at least Beckett is prepared.)